Reflection of Yourself
Posted: May 28th, 2010 | Author: admin | Filed under: Uncategorized | 1 Comment »Get TOL in three ways; reading, watching or listening. The video and the audio versions are available as a free download either directly or via our podcast. You will find the RSS feeds at either: http://thoughtsonleadership.biz/video for the video version or http://thoughtsonleadership.biz/audio for the audio version.
Reflection of Yourself
There’s an old expression that says what you don’t like in others, is what you see in yourself. In other words, it’s a reflection on you what you don’t like. People react quite negatively to this rubbish, just because I don’t like child abuse doesn’t mean that I’m a child abuser and don’t like myself for it. And they react like this, but just before we get like that lets just look at the situation.
What are we talking about here? Look at smokers; lets take smokers for an example. I’m an ex-smoker so I can comment on this without being bad. Smokers, the worst ones who don’t like people smoking are ex-smokers. So when you see something in others and you could have a reaction to it, because it had some sort of effect on you in the past. Maybe it was something that you did, or maybe something that you are. So it may not apply to now, maybe when you were younger you were like that. Because lets face it, when you don’t like something, the majority of the time you don’t like it you just, I don’t like it. Don’t allow it to bother you. So what is it that allows you to be bothered by certain things but not by others? Say on the road, every once in a while somebody goes shooting past and the person goes Uhhhg and they get angry with them. Is it because when they were younger they were like that and now they’re not; they resent it, they miss it. Are you getting my drift?
So what I’m asking you here is what are those things that are annoying you about other people, that maybe its time to look in the mirror. Maybe it’s a reflection of yourself that’s the problem here. Maybe it’s not the person at all. Ok, and even if they are doing it wrong, or something that you aren’t very happy with; getting angry, getting upset, and allowing it to effect you is not going to solve the issue.
So what I’m thinking of, is think about your relationships; weather it be work relationships, or home relationships, or friendships or whatever. Think about what are these things that are bugging you, what are these things that are annoying you. And ask yourself, why is this bugging me, why is it annoying me. Because it may be that it’s a reflection of yourself. Maybe it’s a habit that you’ve just gotten in to about being annoyed by it. A lot of people get upset about things, and the time comes when they think about why they are upset. Where did it all start? Where did it all come from?
So this month, this time, I’m wanting you to really answer this question for yourself. Look around you; think about the things in your life that are upsetting you, that are annoying you, that are getting you wound up. I see it a lot with parents; they get wound up about their kids. Actually what it is, is it that they are jealous that they couldn’t do that when they were kids; or they know that they behaved like that now I don’t like the idea of my kids behaving like that. So again it’s all about a reflection of yourself. So really think about this over the course of the next few weeks. Consider your time ahead and say ok what are the things that are currently bothering me? What are the things that are really getting to me? What are the things that are upsetting me? And basically what I’m saying is, do you need to get upset anymore? Because if all the problem is that you’re getting upset and there is nothing else there, then maybe its time to put things behind you. Maybe its time to look in the mirror and accept who you are, and move away from that.
So, a bit of a thoughtful topic for this particular thoughts on leadership. I hope that you are having a great year. I hope things are going well for you and that you’re keeping busy. And I hope your relationships are growing and developing in a world where relationships are more and more important than ever. Have a great time in the weeks ahead, and Ill speak to you again soon. Bye now.
This is also in relevance with an earlier topic you posted “Three fingers pointing back”. It starts there; with the blame game. As time goes by, we start becoming what we dislike in others. Just like laws of force; We react in the same way opposite direction but sometimes even with a stronger force. So strong that it overwhelms our innerself and we unknowingly or perhaps knowingly transform.
What triggers that transform could be a sense of revenge or in other words, “let me put them in the same shoes, they would feel the same way, dislike it, quit acting that way, and there you go, I proved my point”. However, it just drags one into its deeper end.
But why? Why don’t we act in a better way instead of blaming or playing it back? Why don’t we set a role model from ourselves to others? Why is it that we do not learn to be the best the others are at? Why do we go and just be what we dislike about them? How can we shift our focus to good in people rather than pointing out the mistakes?
Perhaps it is human nature that looks for continuous improvement and elevation to higher levels. But why see only the dark spot in a white paper? Even microscopes will not help showing us the obvious good in others. Because white is taken for granted, the black is what stands out and is when others start critisizing. More critisizim and more black spots appear. When it is all black, even the white spot that stands out, becomes so hard to find!
So giving it a thought:
1. Appreciate the good
2. Think and set the role model based on what is universally right and ethical, there are no arguments that generousity is good, smiling to people is good, good spoken words are good.
3. When you see something wrong or dislike; What to do? This needs more thought. I am not sure of what to do? Perhaps you should not criticize. One must stand back and think, what if I was the one? or Am I like that too? What would move me the most to change these habits. Then, if change is successful, perhaps you will already lead by example, and the rest becomes effortless, as your change will certainly impact others.
Conclusion leads to two topics presented: one should reflect things on himself, and not point back